I wanted

I wanted to sit in my window and smoke a cigarette but I can't stop watching the neighbors on their patio-the two of them. He cracks a beer. They split it. She has dark hair. The back of his head is gray. I wanted to stare out at nothing, but because of the shape of my window and the shape of myself, this is the way my body has to be angled, facing them. I suppose it will appear as though I am watching. I wanted to smoke a cigarette and forget about my sister. But the people who hurt you the most are the ones you can't forget. And the people you envy you can't stop watching.