Eight is my favorite number.

Facts about myself:

1. I have eight courses of antibiotics I bought illegally in Tijuana because doctors are expensive and I don't have health insurance. So Chlymidia, I know you're out there and bring it on.

2. I am brilliant at everything except telling the truth.

3. My teeth glow in a blacklight because I used to eat Crest White strips for breakfast and weigh myself six times a day.

4. Instead of buying bottled water, I just keep refilling this huge bottle of Poland Spring with tap water. So I have the same parasites as you.

5. I never went through a "cutting" phase, but I used to borrow white-out from my friends in 6th grade and pour it out into the trash can before I gave it back. I wanted them to think I was sniffing it. I would act all space-y when they asked me a question and keep my eyes half open. I wanted them to care.

6. I have toenails on my fingers and fingernails on my toes. Look closely. You'll notice.

7. I had a stuffed animal named Junior that was a koala bear when I was a kid. When I was eight he became my favorite stuffed animal. My favorite. I couldn't sleep without having Junior first. My favorite.

8. I peed my pants in the high school library. Actually I was wearing a skirt. So I guess I peed my legs.